Here are a few:
- I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
- What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you’ll wind up naked.
- Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
- Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.
- People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to
- You can measure distance by time. "How far away is it?" "Oh about 20 minutes." But it doesn't work the other way. "When do you get off work?" "Around 3 miles."
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