Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Something funny going on with the clock on 24
Somebody's got waaaay to much free time to notice this… This concerns the TV show 24.
A couple of months ago, I noticed that the 24 clock renders the numeral 1 with a short serif at the top. Here's another screenshot from last Monday's episode, with the serif circled:
That serif is a needless typographic flourish. A normal clock wouldn't have a serif there, and in fact it's totally illogical for the 24 clock to have one: None of the other numerals show evidence that the LEDs on top are split in half and can render a serif. The LED bars along the top are always solid when used in the other numerals, and the light that illuminates the top bars in the other numerals is consistent and unbroken.
So I noticed this and it amused me, but I didn't think much of it, because why should the 24 clock have to be logical and believable? Every episode of the show contains a lot of stuff that's illogical and unbelievable.
….Okay, still with me? Then I noticed that these half-width 1's are always kerned artificially close to the numeral (or the colon) to its left:
Bear eats monkey in front of zoo visitors
Bears killed and ate a monkey in a Dutch zoo in front of horrified visitors, witnesses and the zoo said Monday. In the incident Sunday at the Beekse Bergen Safari Park, several Sloth bears chased the Barbary macaque into an electric fence, where it was stunned.
It recovered and fled onto a wooden structure, where one bear pursued and mauled it to death.
The park confirmed the killing in a statement, saying: "In an area where Sloth bears, great apes and Barbary macaques have coexisted peacefully for a long time, the harmony was temporarily disturbed during opening hours on Sunday."
Make me feel like a woman
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse; a wing is struck by lightning.
One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.
Then, she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril.
They all stare. All eyes are riveted on the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a cowboy from Baton Rouge, Louisiana stands up in the rear.
He is handsome, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle. As he does, he unbuttons his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.
She gasps.
He whispers, "Iron this....and then get me a beer."
Thanks Mary
Monday, May 15, 2006
Ten best and worst Hollywood autograqph signers
Article doesn’t say why they’re the best or worst. And…. not that you could read their autographs.
10 Best
1. Johnny Depp
2. George Clooney
3. Matt Damon
4. Al Pacino
5. Tom Cruise
6. Angelina Jolie
7. Elijah Wood
8. Brittany Murphy
9. Jack Nicholson
10. Clint Eastwood
10 Worst
1. Cameron Diaz
2. Bruce Willis
3. Demi Moore
4. Tobey Maguire
5. Alan Alda
6.
8. Teri Hatcher
9. Joaquin Phoenix
10. Russell Crowe
Pepsi girl
Mixing Mentos and Pepsi. Dropping Mentos mints into a bottle of Pepsi causes quite an eruption.
Watch this video….then this one.
Nicely done.
Girls night out
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives; however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee so they decided to stop in a nearby cemetery. Having nothing to wipe with, one of them thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day, one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he
phoned the other husband and said, "These damn girl's nights out have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!"
"That's nothing," said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck between the crack of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, we'll never forget you.'"
Thanks Phyllis
Results from the national illegal immigant boycott held a couple weeks ago
Final retailers report on the May 1st National USA illegal immigrant boycott of a couple of weeks ago.
On May 1st, as a result of the illegal immigrant boycott, national retailers reported 4.2% lower sales for the day, with a 67.8% reduction in shoplifting.
Buenos dias.
Thanks Donnie Mac
Birth control
There were three gals who were getting married and all met at the marriage counselor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away. There were two city gals and one farm gal.
The counselor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile. They all agreed that they had discussed this with their potential husbands and all agreed to wait awhile.
Well the counselor asked the first gal what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, the rhythm method.
That will work said the counselor if you keep a good record. 
He asked the second gal what system she planned on using. I plan on using birth control pills she said. Again he said, yes that will work as long as you don't forget to take them.
He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using.
Her answer was The pail and saucer method. After a short delay, he again told her that should also work. 
He asked them all to come back in one year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going.
They all met again one year later and the two city gals were pregnant. Only the farm gal was slim and trim yet.
Well the counselor asked the first gal what method she used and what went wrong. She replied that she used the rhythm method but somehow got her notes mixed up and, well here I am, going to have a baby.
He asked the second city gal what method she used and she replied, the birth control pill but we were camping one weekend and I didn't have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby.
He turns to the farm gal and told her that I vaguely remember you were going to use the pail and saucer method. Now I must admit that I don't have a clue what the pail and saucer method is. Will you explain it to me as I see it has worked well for you.
She replied, Well we make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit taller than my husband, he stands on a pail turned upside down. Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the pail out from under him.
Thanks Phyllis
Kids are smarter than you think
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted.
A few moments passed .. "An ambulance just drove by"
A few moments later, "Looks like the
"Matt's riding a new bike....."
A few moments later, 'Looks like the Sanders are moving"
"Jason is on his skate board...."
A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!
Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too."
Thanks Phyllis
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