No fictional character has articulated this writer's position on pantyhose so well as when Claire Fisher of HBO's Six Feet Under stood atop her cubicle desk and belted out "You Ride Up My Thighs" (sung to "You Light Up Life") in ode to her ill-fitting nylons. Most sane people would agree: Hose are the bane of womanhood. Who wouldn't hate being confined in nylon as it slowly squeezes the life out of her?
Alas, there comes a time in every woman's life when the wearing of pantyhose is required. It could be a funeral; it could be the prom; it could be every day at your new corporate job. I used to have an office job that required pantyhose often enough to remind me how maddening they are. Now, I work at home and spend much of my "free" time chasing a toddler. When I wear hose, I need them to be good—I don't have the time or the energy to stash an extra pair or a bottle of clear nail polish in my diaper bag. So, what I want to know is this: Are all pantyhose created equal, or does popping for a fancy pair ensure higher quality and less sausagelike discomfort?
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