The REAL way men think

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, Put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, by then, you are stuck with her.
4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.
5. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as; navel lint, the shotgun formation or monster trucks.
7. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
8. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
9. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
10. You have enough clothes.
11. You have too many shoes.
12. Crying is blackmail.
13. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
14. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
15. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
16. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes.
17. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
18. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
19. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
20. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
21. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
22. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take any relationship quizes together.
23. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 3 days (the next day if we were drunk).

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