Bizarre English Metaphors (and Similes)

 Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners . . .

• She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was
  room-temperature Canadian beef.
• Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
• The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
  bowling ball wouldn't.
• McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
  filled with vegetable soup.
• The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
  you fry them in hot grease.
• The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
  Phil, this plan just might work.
• He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
  either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
  on a land mine or something.

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