More VP humor

Visual Hunting Aid
Identification chart for Vice-Presidential hunting trips

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The late night comedians on the subject.

Jay Leno:

• Although it is beautiful here in California the weather back east has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C. Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear.
• That’s the big story over the weekend. On a quail hunting trip in Texas, Vice President of the United States, Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78 year old lawyer. In fact when people found out he shot a lawyer his popularity is now at 92%!
• I guess the guy is going to be ok. When the ambulance got there, out of force of habit they put Cheney on the stretcher. No, the other guy!
• But you know, I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, "Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?!”
• Something I just found out today about the incident. Do you know that Dick Cheney tortured the guy for a half hour before he shot him?
• Cheney’s defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy. Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the white house since Bill Clinton.
• In fact, do you know what Cheney said to his aides after he shot the guy? "Save his heart! Grab his heart!”

David Letterman:

• We located the weapons of mass destruction – Dick Cheney!
• Over the weekend while bird hunting, shooting quails, there was a little horseplay and the Vice President Dick Cheney shot his buddy. Before the trip Donald Rumsfeld denied the request for body armor.
• I don’t see what the fuss is all about. What’s more American than shooting your hunting buddy in the ass?
• We can’t get bin Laden but we can get a 78 year old attorney.
• The man that was shot is a Republican lawyer and a big donor to the party. The bullet was actually deflected by a big wad of cash.

Jon Stewart:

•  Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird.
• Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -- it's just not worth it.
• After hearing that Mr. Whittiington was “peppered” by the shotgun blast,  "Peppered. There you have it. Harry Whittington, seasoned to within an inch of his life.”

Rob Corddry (Daily Show correspondent):

• The Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78- year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Wittington's face.

Jimmy Kimmel:

• You know what they say, if Dick Cheney comes out of his hole and shoots an old man in the face, six more weeks of winter.
• But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates his deal with the devil.
• So in summary, the Vice President of the United States shot a 78-year-old man in the face. Congratulations Mister Vice President, you are now a Crip.
• It's part of the president's new Social Security plan. Once you hit 78, kablamo.

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