Headlines
"Slain Doctor Worried About His Death" -- In a local paper in Canada.
"Youth Hit By Train Is Rushed To Two Hospitals" -- In a local paper.
"Nixon Beneath the Surface" -- The headline of an expose column about Richard Nixon, several days after his death.
"Holy Mother Crushes Sacred Infant" -- In a Catholic newspaper, referring to a basketball game between two Catholic High Schools.
"Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana Use" -- A local newspaper of a suburb of Toronto, describing a committee set up by the board of education and the local municipality to investigate marijuana use among high school students.
"Tortoises Held Hostage As Lobster War Turns Nasty" -- Independent, November 19, 2000
News articles
"The glamorous 17-year-old wants to be a policewoman some day, like her dad." -- From a New Zealand paper.
"Although as a rider and breeder she has won countless prizes, she says she enjoys an occasional beating." -- From a New Zealand paper.
"The driver involved in this incident asked that her gender not be revealed." -- From a Sydney, Australia, paper.
Radio news
"There's an overturned tractor-trailer heading north on Route 93." -- Report in a radio station's morning traffic update.
"Seasonal weather for the time of year." -- Radio weather report.
"Local construction is making it hazardous to drive in some areas of our city. We'll tell you which to avoid on the way home on news tonight at 9:30." -- From a nightly local news ad on the radio.
TV news
"Doctors say the longer the babies live, the better chance they'll have at surviving." -- From a local news cast.
"Today Lesbian forces invaded...no, sorry, that should be Lesbianese." -- From a news report in UK, on a Lebanese conflict.
"Susan, things are washing up on the shore that have never seen the light of day in a long time." -- From a local news report on the aftereffects of 1989's Hurricane Hugo.
Oops
"The ball is going back, Smith is chasing it, it's still going back, Smith jumps, he hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to the infield. This is a terrible day for the Padres!" -- A San Diego Padres announcer.
"Due to a typing error, Gov Dukakis was incorrectly identified in the third paragraph as Mike Tyson." -- Correction in a Massachusetts newspaper.
"How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?" -- Simon Fanshawe, during a Metro Radio Interview, when a listener said, "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day."
"How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?" -- Simon Fanshawe, during a Metro Radio Interview, when a listener said, "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day."
From Things People Said
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