Monday, August 27, 2007

Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...

*STBoldlycard your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
* he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
* you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
* he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
* he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
* he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
* he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
* he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
* he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
* he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
* he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
* he says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
* he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
* he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
* he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
* he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
* he paints the starship John Deere green
* he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
* he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
* his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
* he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
* his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
* he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
* his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies
* he sets phaser to "Cajun"


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