Saturday, October 20, 2007

Kid art

If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. In fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge art work done by other kids on the internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece:…


Art1
First of all, I’ve ridden a lot of bikes in my time, but I’ve never, ever seen one with 874 spokes on it.  I hope you never become an engineer.
And what’s with the kid on the bike?  Yeah, that one with the sword sticking out of his body.  Is he riding to the hospital? 
And where the hell is his other leg?  Did it just magically disappear?  Maybe it got caught in one of those god-forsaken spokes and was ripped off.    GRADE: F


 


 


Art 2
OK Rupert, I’m going to be easy on you, since you’re probably retarded and can’t draw a logical picture to save your life.
First of all, what’s with that yellow pee monster attacking that goofy girl?  Yeah, you know who I’m talking about.  That girl impaled on both sides with daggers.  Is she scared of the creature or the fact that the sun appears to be ovulating?
And who’s that creepy, tall green-headed man on the right?  David Banner?  Maybe he’s there to investigate why this girl seems to have a darker moustache than most teenage boys.   GRADE: F


Art3
It’s a bird.  It’s a plane.  No, it’s a flying tampon with whiskers.  What in God’s name is that thing?  A ghost?
By the way, nice running shoes, Forrest.  They look like two severed bird heads which you stepped on while running away from the Kotex Monster.
Notice how the sun is smiling away, like all is happy and joyful in the world…. while this kid with 7 fingers on one hand and 4 on the other is running for his life.
And what’s with the hair man?  Is that a new style, or is your head smoldering from being in such close proximity to the sun?   GRADE:
F


 


Art4
You spelled America wrong asshole. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere, traitor.   GRADE: F


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 Art5Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colors. Also, eggs aren’t supposed to have ears, dipshit.   GRADE: F


 


 


 


 


 


 


Art6Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved.  I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of crap.   GRADE: F


 


 


 


 


 


 


Art7That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST?
Nice try, Hitler.   GRADE: F


 


 


 


 


Art8


 This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find
all their shit outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten minutes to find a napkin and some markers?   GRADE: F


 


 


 Thanks Gene

25 comments:

Camusole said...

This is cruel, nasty, and misogynistic and I just wet my pants laughing at it. Says a lot about me I'm sure. Is this from a blog? I think I just found my soul mate.

Solo said...

It's from Maddox back in 2003

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule

Anonymous said...

Oh my God. I haven't laughed so hard in months. I don't care where it was stolen from, I sure as hell needed the laugh today. I will never look at my kids pictures the same again.

Anonymous said...

wow. you people are amused by the dumbest things ever...

now THAT'S funny.

Anonymous said...

If this is what many would call genuis-You all have shit for brains. Bush would like this too.

Anonymous said...

I don't see how picking on kid's art is funny. It's cruel.

Michael said...

Wow I can't believe how clever that moron is. He can successfully not be funny while attacking childrens artwork and using foul language. What a dumbass.

Anonymous said...

Maddox is hilarious, and unthank Gene for that. It's historcially old. And give credit or a link to maddox's page (www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net)

and check out his book. The Alphabet of Manliness. Available at a bookstore near you.

Anonymous said...

In "Kyle's" picture: No 8 year old has that kind of penmanship. And also look for the reversed, faded words in the flag stripes, it shows a clearly visible "I" in America anyway, it was photoshopped out.

This post is not clever, not funny. If this is what it takes for you to have your biggest laugh in months, then you need to get out more.

Whomever Maddox is, I'll be sure to not check him out. I give this post an F-.

Mandy said...

I don't remember the last time I laughed so freaking hard! I have a new hero, and I too will never look at my kids pictures the same!

Anonymous said...

Mandy,

Looking forward to the day someone makes fun of, ridicules and verbally abuses your child, your mother, your grandmother....

Let us know so we can laugh so freakin' hard too.

What goes around comes around! ;-)

Anonymous said...

**************READ THIS***************
I was confused when I came across this guys blog, IMHO he seemed like a textbook case of someone who was abused as a child himself. Check out his rant on "beating" children. This Maddox has some serious isssues. I find it frightening that some readers with children claim that they look up to him:

http://72.14.253.104/search?q=cache:Lv__tNRUil0J:www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi%3Fu%3Dbeat+%22maddox%40xmission.com%22&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=3&gl=us&client=safari

Anonymous said...

******Corrected Link*******

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=beat

Anonymous said...

never ever criticise children, never ever tell them the truth. because if you do, people, who have never been told the truth as children themselves, call such posts dumb and cruel. ;)

my parents didnt twit me. i like this one.

Anonymous said...

Lets all go home and beat our children! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Those who are taking this seriously need to get some help. It is hilarious. SATIRE, people, satire! Honestly, take the broomstick out of your bums, stop coddling your kids and puppies for a brief moment & get a clue! I'm about 98% sure no children were emotionally damaged in the creation of this post...

Anonymous said...

i totally agree with the guy above.
im going home to kick my cat's head off. i'm going to keep my shoe on- and nail her right in the back of her head. hopefully i won't draw too much blood....lol
can't you guys just take a joke? what a bunch of baby's. maddox would bitch slap all of you idiots.

Anonymous said...

LOL! This is getting fun! How about this you guys- I just took a shovel and hit my dog on it's back! It showed him because he keeps chewing on the wood floor and it was time I showed him who was boss!

That guys should come up with a new post on beating your animals- not just your children!

Thanks for posting such a hilarious post and introducing me to the new GOD MADDOX!!!!

Anonymous said...

I love this, I could not stop laughing

Anonymous said...

Just murdered grandma! Put an end to her 59 year old saggy ass!

Thanks Maddix for making this F~U~N!!!!

People need to learn when to take a joke...

Time to go out and buy some more Hefty bags and ginsu knives!!!!
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nick said...

Way to Plagiarize. No credit given to the original creator, Maddox, whos presentation was better anyway.

http://maddox.xmission.com

The true master.

Anonymous said...

I thought this was hysterical!!!

You people who DONT think its funny, why do you care enough to
A. Read it all the way through
B. actually take the time to post a negative comment
C. KEEP posting negative and progressively infantile comments?

I think you folks need to lighten up, suck it up, and GET A LIFE.

And quit tailgating me in your ugly ass, gas sucking SUV's and minvans, you overprotective, underachieving psycho soccer moms. God forbid you go less than 5 mph over the speed limit.

Robert said...

Oldie but a goodie.

However, no points for plagiarism.

This was done by Maddox.

M-A-D-D-O-X

Google and learn.

scott romig said...

Hey...Can I send you some of my kids stuff to review?....This is seriously messed up...I LOVE IT!

Scott Romig said...

I can't believe people are actually getting upset over this....This guy is great..If any of you uptight, over protective, cry baby parents out there can honestly say that you have not thought similarly at one point or another...even for a brief moment, then it is you who should seak therapy (& fast) If you can't see the simple humor in this, then I truly feel sorry for your children who are obviously being raised to be as narrow minded and un-creative as you! GET SOME HELP!