Click here to get it cleaned automatically.
via Wugsy
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Really cool Discovery launch photos
STS-114 Discovery RTF – July 26, 2005 10:38 am EST
see a collection of launch photos here.
Why women live longer than men
There’s a group of photos that show you why women live longer than men.
Here’s just one.
via new links
A good hockey player but not a camera lover
TOKYO - Yutaka Fukufuji is ready to ride the buses in hockey's backwaters a few more years if that's what it takes to make the NHL. The Japanese goaltender signed a two-year contract with the Los Angeles Kings this month and will attend a rookie camp next month.
via new links
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
The tomato garden
An old Italian man lived alone in the country.
He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.Love Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Vinnie
Thanks Mary
A man staggered home late after another evening with his drinking buddies....
… S hoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.
A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing to suppress a yelp, the man sprung up, He pulled down his pants, and examined his lacerated and bleeding cheeks in the mirror of the nearby darkened hallway.
He managed to find a large full box of Band-Aids and proceeded to place a patch as best he could on each place he saw blood. After hiding the now empty box, he managed to shuffle and stumble his way to bed.
In the morning, the man awoke with searing pain in his head and butt and his wife staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night."
Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked meekly at her and replied, "Now, hon, why would you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," she said, " it could be the open front door, it could be the glass and whiskey at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes,but, mostly.... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror!"
Take a whiz or make a call... heck, do both at the same time
Urine powered batteries developed for your cell phone
Physicists in Singapore have succeeded in creating the first paper battery that generates electricity from urine. This new battery will be the perfect power source for cheap, disposable healthcare test-kits for diseases such as diabetes, and could even be used in emergency situations to power a cell phone.
via hackaday
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
A very unusual obituary
The News and Observer of Raleigh North Carolina ran this obituary recently.
Here are a few lines from the obit:
On June 3, 2005 at 10:45 p.m. in Memphis, Tennessee, Dorothy Gibson Cully, 86, died peacefully, while in the loving care of her two favorite children, Barbara and David. All of her breath leaked out.
….. he ultimately stuck his head in a heated gas oven with a golden delicious apple propped in his mouth. Miraculously, the apple was saved for the evening dessert. Calvin was not.
At the time of her death, Dot was visiting her daughter, Carol in Memphis. Carol and her husband, Ron, away from home attending a "very important conference" at a posh Florida resort, rushed home 10 days later after learning of the death.
Dot graduated from Eastern High School at 15, worked in Baltimore full time from 1934 to 1979, beginning as a factory worker at Cross & Blackwell and retiring after 30 years as property manager and controller for a Baltimore conglomerate, Housing Engineering Company, all while raising four children, two of who are fairly normal.
Opinions about the details of this obit are not, since Mom would have liked it this way.
It’s worth reading in it’s entirity.
Where company names originated
SAP: "Systems, Applications, Products in Data Processing", formed by four ex-IBM employees who used to work in the 'Systems/Applications/Projects' group of IBM.
SONY: From the Latin word 'sonus' meaning sound, and 'sonny' a slang used by Americans to refer to a bright youngster.
Yahoo!: The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book Gulliver's Travels. It represents a person who is repulsive in appearance and action and is barely human. Yahoo! founders Jerry Yang and David Filo selected the name because they considered themselves yahoos.
Motorola: Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company started manufacturing radios for cars. The popular radio company at the time was called Victrola.
Microsoft: It was coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to MICROcomputer SOFTware. Originally christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on.
Hewlwtt-Packard: Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.
Google: The name started as a jockey boast about the amount of information the search-engine would be able to search. It was originally named 'Googol', a word for the number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros. After founders - Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry Page presented their project to an angel investor, they received a cheque made out to 'Google.
Apple Computers: Favourite fruit of founder Steve Jobs. He was three months late in filing a name for the business, and he threatened to call his company Apple Computers if the other colleagues didn't suggest a better name by 5 o'clock.
Adobe: The name came from the river Adobe Creek that ran behind the house of founder John Warnock.
A few more can be found here.
via The Presurfer
Monday, August 15, 2005
Useless skills
You can learn a lot of time wasting skills here. For instance:
- How to twirl a pen
- Easy air guitar – Volume I
- One handed card shuffling
- Guide to balloons and ballooning
Plus much, much more. Click here to get edjumakated.
The Gross-Out Quiz
Afew questions from the quiz:
In a single year, how many descendents can a pair of rats produce?
Approximately how much dung does an adult elephant produce each day?
The regal horned lizard isn't too big, but it repels predators in short order with what gross behavior?
Take the quiz here.
via The Presurfer
Mom was right, you can go blind
Researchers have finally found evidence for what good Catholic boys have known all along – erotic images make you go blind. The effect is temporary and lasts just a moment, but the research has added to road-safety campaigners’ calls to ban sexy billboard-advertising near busy roads, in the hope of preventing accidents.
The new study by US psychologists found that people shown erotic or gory images frequently fail to process images they see immediately afterwards. And the researchers say some personality types appear to be affected more than others by the phenomenon, known as “emotion-induced blindness”.
via The Presurfer
Dictionary of Prison slang
Here are a few examples of prison slang:
CHALK: A crude wine made from yeast, sugar, rice or fruit and water.
FALL: A> (from); The county the inmate was convicted in "Where did you fall from."
FAT BACK: Meaning that a person has a big butt.
KILL SHIELD: A garment worn by female officers, usually a long vest or jacket.
PISTOLS: Leather work gloves with all of the fingers cut off of them.
More can be found here.
via J-Walk blog
For sale on eBay
This table was for sale on eBay. How can you tell that this table was put up for bid by a man?
Look closely before you look at the answer below.
Look at the mirror in the picture.
Thanks Paul
Saturday, August 13, 2005
SOCIAL SECURITY: (This is worth reading. It is short and to the point)
Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years. Our Senators and Congresswomen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it. You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt they should have a special plan for themselves. So, many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan . In more recent years, no congress person has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan. For all practical purposes their plan works like this: When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die. Except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments.
This is calculated on an average life span for each of those two Dignitaries For example, Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7,800,000.00 (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275,000.00 during the last years of their lives. Younger Dignitaries who retire at an early age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives. Their cost for this excellent plan is $0.00. NADA...ZILCH...
This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds; "OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK"!
From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into,-every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our employer)-we can expect to get an average of $1,000 per month after retirement. Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator! Bill Bradley's benefits! Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made. That change would be to: Jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us . then sit back.... and watch how fast they would fix it.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
345 horsepower BBQ pit
345 horsepower, 5.7 liter Hemi V-8 engine powered barbecue pit. 
via Blogywood
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
The dreaded Uh Oh Notice
I seem to be having some technical dificulties with this blog and the photo storage space. So, if I don’t post for a while, that’s why. I’ll work on this as I get the time.
Jon
Lost in space - The White House disaster scenarios
From Apollo to Discovery, the President always prepared for the worst. Believe it or not there was a plan in place for aerospace disasters. The Smoking Gun has the memos on it’s website.
Here is text from one such memo that President Nixon was prepared to give in the event of a disaster during the flight of Apollo 11:
In the event of moon disaster: “Fate has ordained that the men who went to the moon to explore in peace will stay on the moon to rest in peace. These brave men, Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin, know that there is no hope for their recovery. But they also know that there is hope for mankind in their sacrifice.
These two men are laying down their lives in mankind’s most noble goal: the search for truth and understanding…… For every human being who looks up at the moon in the nights to come will know that there is some corner of another world that is forever mankind.”…..At the when NASA ends communications with the men: A clergyman should adopt the same procedure as a burial at sea, commending their souls to “the deepest of the deep” concluding with the Lord’s Prayer.
via Blogywood
Unknown Piano Man's identity may never be known
London - Doctors fear that the identity of a mysterious mute pianist found wandering on an English beach in April may never be known.
"There is no obvious lead," an official at a hospital in, Kent, south-east England, told The Independent on Monday.
"Given the enormous amount of publicity about Piano Man, we think it surprising that no one has come forward. It is possible his family lead an isolated existence and have not seen the stories, but we have to prepare ourselves for the fact that we may never know who he is."
via Blogywood
Want faster data transfer?
Get WiFi Speed Spray.
This revolutionary product is guaranteed to enhance the transfer of computer data through the air. You'll be amazed!
Do you live in a polluted environment such as Los Angeles? If so, you've probably experienced the heartbreak of data transfer slow-down. WiFi Speed Spray™ can overcome the effects of pollution, increase fidelity, and provide you with the fastest wireless data transfer possible. Approved by the FCC, and 802.11b compliant! Compatible with Windows and most versions of Linux.
It's a scientific fact. Radio waves become sluggish under a variety of common environmental conditions. Besides air pollution, radio waves slow down in noisy environments, at night, and in "high emission" areas such as computer rooms, offices that use fluorescent lighting, and even in the kitchen (those pesky microwave ovens are to blame!).
WiFi Speed Spray™ is designed to eliminate these harsh conditions selectively. Only the radio wave path is affected. There are no side-effects*.
via J-wwalk blog
Monday, August 08, 2005
Try using a gun. Some pretty incredible high speed photos.
Titty twister fined and sentenced
GOLD HILL, Ore. - A 15-year-old boy who pinched and twisted the nipples of a 13-year-old has been sentenced to three days of community service for harassment.
David Thumler, 15, said the "titty-twister" was just horseplay. The mother of 13-year-old Matthew Cox counters that the incident was humiliating for her son, who saw it as an assault from an older, bigger bully.
"They're not friends," she said. "If he was my son's friend, it would be a different thing," said Bobby Cox.
In addition to the community service, Thumler has been ordered to pay a $67 fine and the misdemeanor has been placed on his permanent record. He can request to have it removed when he turns 18.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
to this 
Earthquake Alert!
Expected Earthquake, Volcanic or Storm Activity
The August 2 RED ALERT is the first of its kind I've ever made in the 11 years of studying seismic event indicators. It is so huge that I almost can't believe my eyes. The importance and severity of this has impressed me more significantly than when I predicted and warned about the coming December 26, 2004 Indonesian events beginning December 22.
For the last 7 days, I've seen indications of a large number of earthquake pressures building across a 2,000-mile long arc in the North Pacific. At first, I thought these indications were a result of large storms so I disregarded them. Until August 2 when a listener (thanks Dan) heard my radio broadcast and emailed information to me, I wasn't able to explain the cause of this discovery.
Get your scrotal facts here
Scrotal Safety Tips: Bicycles are still legal in many states. Those of you that still insist on riding them should purchase a groin-helmet. These devices come in many colors and wind resistant shapes. Shop around to find the perfect groin-helmet for your needs. Plan a fun get-together with friends to decorate your groin-helmet with decals and "realistic battle damage".
Riding escalators is both fun and convenient. But please remember to wear slacks while you enjoy the mechanical comfort of a moving staircase. And never sit on an escalator tread, even if the escalator is not in service.
Never underestimate the fragility of your testicles. Unlike the tidy groin of a woman, your testicles are "out there" for the world to see. And when they are seen, they are seen in the scrotum!
Scrotal Science Project: On a hot day, disrobe and slip your body (groin and all) into a cold shower. Notice how your testicles tell your scrotum to contract and thus, bring them closer to the warmth of your body's bulk. Examine the prune like puckering your scrotum produces to accomplish this amazing feat of strength and engineering. Write about your experience in your journal.
More scrotal facts and fun can be found at the Scrotal Safety Commission.
Underpants video game tournament
On Monday, June 6th, the LVHRD Foundation organized its latest adventure -- GMHRD: Underpants-Only Video Game Tournament. Members journeyed to Williamsburg, Brooklyn for a night of friendly video competition and strict dress code.
via Growabrain
Juggling
Jugglers are amazing to watch. This site has some really interesting animations that show you just what is happening with each ball. Not that it would help me become a juggler…. but interesting nonetheless.
via Growabrain
Stadiums of the world
World Stadiums is a comprehensive list containing more than 8,500 stadiums in over 215 countries. Searchable by geographical regions.
Here’s a group of pictures I’ve taken of the new Busch Stadium, home of the Cardinals and now under construction in St. Louis.
World Stadiums via The Presurfer
The Catsup Crapper
The Japanese art of chindogu was created by designer Kenji Kawakami in the 1980s and, according to Kawakami, practiced around the world. Chindogu, which translates literally as 'an odd or distorted tool', is an invention that may appear to solve an everyday problem but isn't quite worth using, because it actually makes a task harder or more time-consuming, or is simply ridiculous.
Here's an example, created by three MIT students. The Catsup Crapper, a bottle of ketchup that walks up to your plate to 'excrete a pleasant mound of condiment.'
Really funny video.
via The Presurfer
Friday, August 05, 2005
Man kills wife 'cause she wants to cuddle after sex
PANAMA CITY, Fla. (AP) -- A man who got angry with his wife because she wanted to cuddle after sex when what he really wanted to do was watch sports on television was sentenced to death for killing her with a claw hammer.
via Blogywood
Ear eating idiot to star in porn flick
Mike Tyson is reportedly set to star in a porn film - with Jenna Jameson. .
The former boxing World Heavyweight Champion claims he is desperate for cash, after being hit with a tax bill for several million dollars, and a porn career is a tempting offer.
The disgraced pugilist, who retired from boxing last month, was approached by Jenna's representatives to star as her partner in the X-rated movie.
via Blogywood
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Someone keeps stealing my letters.....
Addictive little refrigerator magnet letters thingy that you play along with others. Try to complete somethnig before someone steals your letters. A real time waster.
via J-Walk blog
Hacking elevators 101
"The designers of some elevators include a hidden feature that is very handy if you're in a hurry or it's a busy time in the building (like check-out time in a hotel). While some elevators require a key, others can be put into "Express" mode by pressing the "Door Close" and "Floor" buttons at the same time. This sweeps the car to the floor of your choice and avoids stops at any other floor.
This seems to work on Most elevators that I have tried! Most elevators have the option for this to work,but on some of them the option is turned off by whoever runs them. This is a rather fun hack, so the next time you are on an elevator, give it a try, you have nothing to lose, And this concludes Hacking Elevators 101!
via J-Walk blog
When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair, open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature and read it carefully.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested".
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson."
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Black Eyed Pees
Shit-faced Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas wets herself duing a recent concert.
via Blogywood
Builod your very own flame thrower
Like any red-blooded, msculine man of the male gender, I love PVC weaponry. You should too. If the concept of heading on down to the local Home Depot and transforming $100 worth of random pipe bits into a killing machine doesn't appeal to you, you're a goddamn pansy. Also, you're probably sane and will live significantly longer than I will. Nonetheless you disgust me, and I take comfort in the knowledge that your obituary will be nowhere near as humorous as mine. For those of you who laugh in the face of hypersonic shards of plastic puncturing your spleen, here's an intimate look at how I've kept myself busy for the past week: building a PVC flamethrower. If you're not interested in the building process, skip to the bottom of the post for the fire.
How To build your own flame thrower.
via Land-o-links
ENV - Hydrogen powered fuel-call motorcycle
English company Intelligent Energy calls its ENV (Emissions Neutral Vehicle) the world's first purpose-built fuel-cell motorcycle. The hydrogen-powered two-wheeler, which made its North American debut in June 2005, is said to hit speeds of 50mph and run for up to 4 hours without refueling.
Intelligent Energy plans to sell the motorbike for between U.S. $6,000 and $8,000. The company believes the ENV will appeal to both urban commuters and recreational riders.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Unanswerable questions
Hewre are a few Unanswerable questions:
Has anyone had to cut off their tongue because it was frozen to a flagpole?DRIED PIDGEON MANURE IF IT MAKES CONTACT WITH YOUR EYE, WILL CAUSE YOU TO GO BLIND?
Does urinating on a lemon tree make it grow quicker/better? (Why is this one unanswerable?)
I just read a blurb that pre-packaged foods can cause people to turn gay because of too much estrogen. If I was only allowed one question for snopes, I would ask if this is true. Is it?
They say that if a person has a pet cat and dies, if the person's body is not found fairly soon after death, the cat, having not been fed, will become ravenously hungry and eat the dead person's face off — JUST the face!
Is this true? My cat often looks me in the face. I used to think he was just being friendly. Now I know he's just sizing me up, like a chef at a butcher shop, waiting for "the big day". Since hearing this rumor, every time my cat licks his chops it gives me the willies!People who get bite by a spider then get large bump on their body. The bump then erupps into hundereds of baby spiders. Can that realy happen? (Again, why can’t this be answered?)
I'm 19 and from Yuma, Az and I would like to know if this myth I'v been hearing is true? By masturbating it helps the chance of not getting cancer? Is that true?..also I'v hearrd other myths about masturbation and don't know if those myths are true or not. But I would like to know about the question I asked before.
I have heard beggars can make a nice $100,000 salary, I was wondering if this is true.
If you sneeze and get into an accident, are you still at fault? Are there any laws?
Is it true that you are more likely to die from a champagne cork than a poisonous spider? (Only if the cork bites you.)
I've heard that it is impossible to take a lightbulb out of your mouth once one puts it in, without either breaking the bulb or dislocating the jaw.
Do you know if this is true? I'm counting on you - my husband is really curious, and I don't want to have to drive him to the hospital...More unanswerable questions.
via Look at this
See thru toilet
This one-way mirrored glass restroom is in Switzerland. Read the story here.
via Look at this
Hot shit - A jet-powered outhouse
It cost $10,000 to build in ten days. Find out moredetails on how to build your own here.
via Look at this
Bitch, bitch, bitch
Here's some terrific everyday items that suck in some way, and must be complained about.
Monday, August 01, 2005
10 things we didn't know this time last week
Snippets harvested from the week's news, chopped, sliced and diced for your weekend convenience.
1. Giant squid eat each other - especially during sex.
2. The Very Hungry Caterpillar has sold one copy every minute since its 1969 publication.
More details
3. Giant mice eating rare chicks on the South Atlantic's Gough Island are descended from the British house mouse, but since arriving on ships in the 19th Century, have doubled in size and become carnivorous.
More details
4. Birmingham was hit by a tornado in 1931, in the same area of the city damaged in the latest twister.
More details
5. First-born children are less creative but more stable, while last-born are more promiscuous, says US research.
6. Cats are genetically unable to taste sweet things. While dogs adore chocolate, cats remain indifferent.
7. Marilyn Manson's gift to his fianc?e - a taxidermy fan - is two stuffed swans posed as if about to copulate.
8. On average you would have to cycle non-stop for 96 years before being killed in a road accident.
More details
9. By law, rescued grey squirrels cannot be released into the wild.
More details
10. Racial prejudice is learnt; and everyone has an in-built inclination towards learning to fear people who appear different, says US research.
via BBC News via Look at this
A collection of Shannonisms
St. Louis Cardinal broadcaster Mike Shannon is known for his enthusiasm of the game of baseball and his colorful descriptions of the game. Here are some Shannonisms:
"This big standing-room only crowd is finally settling into their seats."
"It's raining like a Chinese fire drill!"
(After Brian Jordan was hit by a pitch for the 4th time on a single road trip): "Jordan must feel like a Ouija Board."
(Referring to Bernard Gilkey): "He was originally born in University City."
"He's faster than a chicken being chased by Ronald McDonald!"
(Referring to Mike Schmidt): "the longtime, and soon-to-be, Hall-of-Famer."
(Referring to Hideo Nomo): "He's the biggest thing to hit Japan since they dropped the bomb on Nagashima!"
"This game is off to a rather conspicuous start, don't you think. Jack?"
"Well, folks, this game began as a tiny worm, and is blossoming into a large cobra."
"That foul tip bounced up and caught him right in the groins...and that'll really clear your eyes out."
"A hit up the middle right now would be like a nice ham sandwich and a cold, frosty one."
(Broadcasting from New York under a full moon): "I wish you folks back in St. Louis could see this moon.
" (On the day before Easter): "I just want to tell everyone 'Happy Easter and Happy Hanukkah.'"
"Things are not always as they appear to be as."
"Well, he did everything right to get ready for the throw, but if ya ain't got the hose, the water just won't come out."
"Our next homestand follows this road trip."
(Referring to a home run by Ted Simmons): "and that's the bread on Simmons' butter."
"The right-hander is throwing up (instead of 'up, throwing') in the bullpen."
"I've heard it said that if you know English, Spanish, Italian, and I think it's French, you can go just about anywhere in this world...except China where they have all those derelicts."
After a pause, Joe Buck suggested that Mike has meant to say "dialects."
Mike responded, "Yeah, dialects! That's what I mean...but they've got a lot of derelicts too!"
"I wouldn't have see it if I hadn't believed it."
Joe: "Mike, the Cardinals would like to welcome a group of 19 French foreign exchange students in Section 382."
Mike: "Where're they from, Joe?"
Joe: "Uhh, France, I think."
A couple of years back, Mike and Joe were discussing the unflattering photographs of players that had been flashed on the screen at another ballpark. Mike's take on the quality of the photo selection was: "Some of those guys look like the picture was taken while they were seeing their first UFO." After several seconds of laughter, Joe added, "As opposed to their second or third."
"The wind switched 360 degrees."
"Boy, a cold, frosty Budweiser would be great about now"...long pause...then an "ahhh"
Mike's classic: "Ol' Abner Doubleday has done it again."
"It's raining so hard I thought it was going to stop."
"The crowd's on their feet for the Canadian Star Bangled Banner."
"Back in the day when I played, a pitcher had 3 pitches: a fastball, a curveball, a slider, a changeup and a good sinker pitch."
"The Yankees and Mets are playing tonight at Shea. After four innings, New York leads 3 to 2."
"The Cardinals, Jack, off to their best start since 1987"
KMOX used to air the "Knights of the Cauliflowered Ear" banquet which gave out sports awards for the year, Jack Buck or Bob Costas would frequently host. One year they did a bit on how they were awarding Shannon the "Most Improved Broadcaster" award for the eleventh consecutive year in a row.
"The outfield is deep and playing him straight-away and the infield is the same except first, second, third and short are playing him to pull."
He once described a baserunner as being "Faster than a cat in Chinatown."
Between innings, Shannon often mentions that "so-and-so family is here at Busch enjoying a game" etc. etc. One day when Shannon mis-pronounced the "Kuntz" familyname. The radio booth was silent for about 15 seconds afterward.
A Shannonism in a similar vein. In a Cards-Astros game in the early1990s, Houston had a rookie named Andujar Cedeno.
Shannon: "Would you believe Andujar Cedeno is not related to either Joaquin Andujar or Cesar Cedeno?"
Joe Buck: "I'll believe anything you tell me!"
Here’s Shannon this past August, after Scott Rolen ran the count to 3-0, urging him not to tempt fate and simply take the walk: “You don't kick that dog as he's sleeping on the porch, you don't step on his tail, you just walk on by. If you step on his tail, he might jump up and bite you on the ankle or the kneecap.”
“Well, folks, this game began as a tiny worm and is blossoming into a large cobra.”
“Hideo Nomo is the biggest thing to hit Japan since they dropped that bomb on Nagashima!”
“He's madder than a pig caught under a barnyard gate.”
“I just want to tell everyone Happy Easter and Happy Hanukkah.”
“Things are not always as they appear to be as.”
“Well, he did everything right to get ready for the throw, but if ya ain't got the hose, the water just won't come out.”
“Gilkey was originally born in University City.”
“Like Spring makes the rains come, so does the edge of the plate grow.”
“The Dodgers are ahead by 5 runs or 3 runs or in between there somewhere.”
“We'd like to say hello to all those folks listening in Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky. “
“ Well, no one’s perfect. Only one guy was ever perfect, Jack, and they nailed him to a tree! “
"He tried to sneak that fastball by Rolen. That's like trying to sneak the sun past the rooster."
"You couldn't play this game without tongue depressors and tape. It just couldn't happen."
In reference to how high off the field level the PNC Park broadcast booths are: "Way, way, way down on the field, a bunch of little ants come runnng on."
On Randall Simon: "Even if he didn't have a bat in his hands, he'd take a swing."
When a leadoff batter takes a big swing in the ninth when his team needs baserunners: "He's trying to hit a three-run homer with the bases empty. It's never happened, but it could one of these days. You never know in this world of baseball."
"So Joe [Buck], when was the Roman Coliseum built...two, three, four hundred years ago?", asked Mike Shannon during the KMOX Cards-Expos broadcast of June 1, 1995.
I'm a bad American
This is attributed to George Carlin. I’m not sure he wrote it but I like it nonetheless.
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!
I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.
I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.
I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.
I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good.....and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?
If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
Thanks Fabian
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