Tough love or spanking? How about a different technique?
Most of America's populace think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of "those moments."
One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.!
They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.
I've included a photo of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.
Thanks Joe P
4 comments:
I can't remember spanking my sons. I remember threatening to on many occasions. Unfortunately, they were fast on their feet and we lived on a farm. I guess the threats worked. At least it worried them that I might.
I was whacked many times as a child. The only times I remember with any clarity were the occasions when I felt it was unjustified. It is said that "children abused (spanked)" grow up to abuse their own kids. I didn't and many of my peers didn't.
"Most of America's populace think it improper to spank children."? Really? No wonder America's children are growing up to be spoiled, self righteous brats who can't take resposibility for their actions. My parents spanked me when I got out of line, and I'm glad they did. At that young age I did not have the mental capacity necessary to comprehend what they meant had they talked to me. Being spanked was the most effective way to teach me about consequences for my actions. As I became older and could understand higher concepts like honor, spanking became unnecessary. That opening statement saddens me, because when your unruly children grow older, I'll have to put up with their bullshit, because their parents didn't want to hurt their feelings. Sad.
Full text at. http://underlore.com/index.html#Spanking
Yes, I agree of course that morality is an important part of child rearing but since when does being hit alter anyone's morality? There are numerous historical examples of humans enduring extremely hideous tortures rather than even lie about what they feel is right, much less actually change their morality. Beyond morality, I understand that you must show a child what is and is not accepted from a member of society, but do you really think that hitting them is the best way to do this? Society states that assault is illegal, society states that you cannot harm others, no matter how much you disagree with them. The message in this context sent by spanking your child is that its ok to hurt others if A> they piss you off enough B> they don't submit to you, and C> you can get away with it. There are Numerous studies which indicate that the presence of spanking in a child's past has only one significant impact, to statistically increase the prevalence of violence in that persons actions during adulthood in the form of violent crime. You don't demonstrate consequences with violence because a child is smart enough to know that you are not a force of nature. I choose that wording because the most common justification given for beating your offspring relates to some dangerous situation caused by the environment. IE "Well little Billy needs to know not to jump off the roof, so I spanked him when he got close to the edge." The idiocy of this argument is nearly without peer. You are not gravity, you are not the ground, your child knows this. Your child even after you hit it, still doesn't know why the edge is dangerous, the only way it can know is if you explain it to him or her. Your hitting it doesn't serve as an emphasis for your words, its serves as a distraction from them. Your child is frightened and in pain because of being randomly assaulted by you, do you think this is any time to explain a new concept? How do you think you would react if while being mugged the mugger tried to explain to you how to solve a differential equation? Would you remember better just because you were being punched and kicked, or would you be more worried about the pain? I say randomly above because the child previous to being assaulted had no idea there was danger in doing whatever it was that earned your wrath, because self interest dictates that if it knew it was about to be hurt it wouldn't do it. That is the whole assumption behind spanking them in the first place isn't it? The only reasonable Conclusion is that spanking is not required.
I was spanked a few times as a child and I just remember feeling hurt and angry. I felt it was extreme and cruel and totally unnecessary. It didn't teach me to love or respect my parents, but rather to be afraid of them. As a result, I distanced myself from them and harbored bitterness towards them. If my parents had discussed with me why my actions were wrong and what I should do differently in the future, it would have been much more effective and I would have still loved and respected them. I am now 19, and I am still suffering from emotional damage even though I haven't been spanked since I was 10. Please do not spank your children, and if you already are, STOP!
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