What men mean

"I'M GOING FISHING" = "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

IT'S A GUY THING" = "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" = "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..." = mEANS Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" = "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." = "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD". = "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." = "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." = "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop',  and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES". = "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." = "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING". = "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT." =  "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" = "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU." = "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE." = "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." = "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." = "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK." = "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

Thanks Joe P

Of course we couldn’t let that go by without also a list of …

What women mean

“YOU WANT”  = You want

“WE NEED” = I want

“IT’S YOUR DECISION” = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

“DO WHAT YOU WANT” = You'll pay for this later.

“WE NEED TO TALK” = I need to complain

“SURE, GO AHEAD” = I don't want you to.

“I’M NOT UPSET” = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

“YOU’RE SO MANLY” = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

“YOU’RE CERTAINLY ATTENTIVE TONIGHT” = Is sex all you ever think about?

“I’M NOT EMOTIONAL AND I’M NOT OVER-REACTING” = I'm on my period.

“BE ROMANTIC, TURN OUT THE LIGHTS” = I have flabby thighs.

“THIS KITCHEN IS SO INCONVENIENT” = I want a new house.

“I WANT NEW CURTAINS” = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

“I NEED WEDDING SHOES” = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.

“HANG THE PICTURE THERE” = NO, I mean hang it there!

“I HEARD A NOISE” = I noticed you were almost asleep.

“DO YOU LOVE ME?” = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

“HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME?” = I did something today you're really not going to like.

“i’LL BE READY IN A MINUTE” = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

“IS MY BUTT FAT?” = Tell me I'm beautiful.

“YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO COMMUNICATE” = Just agree with me.

“I’M SORRY” = You'll be sorry.

“WAS THAT THE BABY” = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

“I’M NOT YELLING” = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

“ALL WE’RE GOING TO BUY IS A SOAP DISH” = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?