Happy Halloween

Mac-O-Lanterns

9 last minute Halloween costumes you can make from junk

10 things that sound dirty on Halloween

1. So...What'd you get in the sack?

2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!

3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!

4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!

5. I got the best piece from that house.

6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!

7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling....

8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!

9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.

10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it!

 

Cut out your own Halloween masks from Forbes

Corny Pumpkin

What kind of monster are you?

Flasher

Senator Larry Craig mugshot mask

 From all the usual suspects

Man levitates outside White House

More

via

We warned you

via

8 Most Harrowing Tornado Encounters Ever Caught on Tape

Here’s just one:

Here they all are

via

Who were you in your last life?

Just type in your birtdate… and wallah!   I’m sure it’s all scientifically true….. 

My results:

Who were you in your last life?

via

Ghost story

A professor at the University of West Virginia is giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start.

Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost.

About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good.

I'm really glad you take this seriously.

Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost. 3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Billy Bob, way in the back raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has claimed to have made love to a ghost.

You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. As he reached the front of the room, the professor says, "Well, so tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost."

To which Billy Bob replied, "Shiiiiiit!!!. From way back thar I thought you said "Goats"!!

via

Winter

I, for one, am not looking forward to this….

Lots more icy winter pics

Sailing seals

via

Dead duck

via

Moving Tip #48

via

Super-sized pizza

via

Big boned

via

Unbelievable play

Trinity Football 15 Laterals Miracle Play

The Miracle in Mississippi, unbelievable last play of SCAC title game between Trinity University and Millsaps College in Jackson, Mississippi. Play began with 0:02 remaining in the game, Trinity players used a total of 15 laterals to take the ball 61 yards for the game-winning TD.

http://view.break.com/389923 - Watch more free videos

via

Vermont

via

Hero

Performed by Michael Israel in New York

Thanks Gene

Rush Hour at the old folks home

Thanks Gene

Dam

Gone With The Wind

via

Tiger soup

via

Rocky

One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as 'Rocky' in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more.

"Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep a few minutes ago?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back three more times tonight too."

via

Drugs

via

Stuff people actually put on their resumes

These are really funny…..

• Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!


• It’s best for employers that I not work with people.


• I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.


• Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.


• Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.


• Graduated in the top 66% of my class.


• Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.


• I have a bachelorette degree in computers.


• I worked as a Corporate Lesion.


• Vocational plans: Sea World.


• Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.


• Hire me and you won’t regret it - I am funny, cute, smart and creative… really.


• Referees available upon request.


• Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.


• Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.


• Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.


• Special skills: Thyping.

More

via

 

Another San Diego fire

via

Norah O'Donnell - The White Ho

I always thought she was cute.  I didn’t know she was a ho.

via

Apple laptop

via

Free?

via

Police EXHAUSTed ensuring your safety

Hampshire police in the UK thought it would be a good idea to advertise on the rear of a bus. Their planning did not take into account the position of the exhaust pipe.

Thanks Phil

It's Alive !!!

Thanks Gene

Sex with a real cowboy...

Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker), confided to her co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State.
1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.
2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo.  And..
3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.

Upon her return, the girls were curious as to how she fared .

"Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it's ooooh so good.  The taste is unbelievable!"

"And I went to a real rodeo.  Talk about athletes...those guys wrestle full grown
bulls!  They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground!  It is just incredible!"

They then asked, "Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?"

"Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"

Thanks Joe P

Lost?

Thanks Joe P

Youth

Thanks Roland

Based on a poo story

via

Top 10 signs you're too old to go Trick-Or-Treating

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

via

WANTED: New logo for Bits & Pieces

I’ve been thinking about creating a new logo for Bits & Pieces, but just haven’t really had the time to work on it.  So, if there are any budding artists out there that would like to create a logo for this website, I’d be forever grateful…. well, grateful for a little while anyway (forever is a long, long time).

What I’m looking for is a .jpeg file with one or two colors… not too complicated.   I’d like to have a few T-shirts made up with the logo on them.  So the design would have to be able to be screenprinted (hence the not too complicated part).  That means no gradients, blending of colors, etc. 

It should include:

Title:  Bits & Pieces
Tag line:  We scour the web so you don’t have to.
Size:  3–6 inches long and not too tall (just not too large)
Colors:  One, two or maybe even three…but no more.

Payment for a design that I would use, would be a free T-shirt (in the size of your choice) when they’re printed  and mention here on Bits & Pieces.  Yeah, I know…  I’m a big spender.

So, don’t spend too much time on it because the benefits aren’t that great, but if you’re just looking for something to do then give it a shot.

I’m not even sure how I’d display it with Blogger, but I’ll get to that if and when the time comes.

Send all entries to 1bitsandpieces@gmail.com

All entries become the property of Bits & Pieces.  If we don’t select your design, don’t feel bad.  It’s not you… it’s just my pool lack of judgement.   Your design is probably the best one anyway.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place

via

Grammar is important, but you'd better work on that math too

via

The President's Entourage

When the President of the Unites States travels… he takes along a few select people….

I wouldn’t guess how much this costs the taxpayer.

via

Out for a walk

via

Connect One

I could win this game… if I go first.

via

Welcome...

via

Thanks for the tip...

via

Is that like a turkey shoot?

via

What incident gave need for this sign?

via

Wonder how these streets got their names....

           

From   via

What kind of booger are you?

For Isabelle…. who commented on my post yesterday What kind of blogger are you? 

Here was her comment:

maybe I should have had my coffee before reading this post because I first read "what kind of booger are you?" I thought for a second...no this is just wrong (laughing of course). Then my eyes focused properly...thanks for the laugh even though it was my morning eyes that weren't working right. lol

All it took was a question for Google  “What kind of booger are you? “  and of course there it was.  

What kind of booger are you?

I took the quiz, but to get the answer you have to submit your email address.  I already get enough spam mail, so I declined.