24 Facts about 24's Jack Bauer

• 1.  If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
• 2.  Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red.  His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
• 3.  Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
• 4.  1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
• 5.  Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
• 6.  Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
• 7.  Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
• 8.  Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
• 9.  Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once. (They’ll never do that again)
• 10. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
• 11. Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
• 12. Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
• 13. Every time Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
• 14. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
• 15. There once 'was' a man from Nantucket.  Jack Bauer shot him.
• 16. When Jack Bauer goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
• 17. Jack Bauer once shot a Terrorist plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
• 18. Oil and Water don't mix, unless Jack Bauer tells them to.
• 19. Jack Bauer yells at his cell phone to recharge it.
• 20. Jack found Waldo in one hour.  The only reason he didn't find him sooner was because of daylight savings time.
• 21. Jack Bauer never has to preheat the oven.
• 22. You're either with Jack Bauer or against him.  If you're against Jack Bauer, you're either dead or will be soon.
• 23. Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Little did he know fear itself fears Jack Bauer.
• 24. Instead of buzzing, Jack Bauer's alarm clock screams out "THERE ISN'T ANYMORE TIME!"

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Bonus Bauer Facts

• In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the F#ck have you done with your life?
• To sleep, Jack tortures himself to death, then wakes up fifteen minutes later.
• Jack Bauer taught Jesus how to die and then come back to life.
• God rested on the 7th day. Jack Bauer will be spending his 7th day working his usual triple shift without sleep. Lazy ass God.
• You will tell Jack Bauer what he wants to know. It's just a matter of how much you want it to hurt.

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