Monday, July 23, 2007

Children's science exam answers

If you need a laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers.
And we think we are going back to the moon???

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E,
I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section.'
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome .

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

You can't argue with them..

Thanks Joe P


isiah said...

found this, figured you would like it. By the way you should have a place to send stuff to you.

Anonymous said...

For those wanting to sing along to Charlie the Unicorn (above):

Oh when you’re down and looking for some cheering up
Then just head right on up to the candy mountain cave
When you get inside you will find yourself a cheery land
Such a happy and joy filled and perky merry land
They’ve got lollipops and gummy drops and candy things
Oh so many things that will brighten up your day
It’s impossible to wear a frown in candy town
It’s the Mecca of love the candy cave
They’ve got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats
Candy rats, chocolate bats it’s a wonderland of sweets
Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band
Candy bells it’s a treat as they march across the land
Cherry ribbons stream across the sky into the ground
Turn around it astounds it’s a dancing candy tree
In the candy cave the imagination runs so free
so now Charlie will you please go into the cave

Mudhooks said...

My mother was a Geography teacher and she had a couple of great answers on exams.

To the question : "What is coral made of?"

Answer: Millions of tiny sea orgasms

"Name some things that are needed for a sea port?" (examples would have been: Access to inland transport, a deep harbour, or access to a workforce)

Answer: Plenty of whorehouses....

That answer got a half point because of accuracy or, giving benefit of the doubt, spelling. It wasn't, after all, entirely wrong.