Here are just a few oxymorons from the massive list at oxymoronica.com:
- Additional reduction (Do I use the PLUS or MINUS button on my calculator?)
- Alone together (Just the one of us)
- All-day briefing (It won’t take long)
- Angry patient (But he complained so calmly)
- Assistant supervisor (Either you’re the supervisor or not)
- Attentive husband (Huh?)
- Awfully pretty
- Baby doctor (His stethoscope drags the ground)
- Baked Alaska (Hot time in a cold climate)
- Bankrupt millionaire (Is he or isn’t he?)
- Beyond infinity (Maybe even farther than that)
- Birthday suit (Nice outfit)
- Bottoms up (Or tops down – you decide)
- Butthead (Or a head butt)
- Catfish (Birds crap on my car too)
- Cheap gas (Only $2.37.9 a gallon… and what’s with this “point 9” cents thing?)
- Cheerleading scholarship (You DO have to know how to spell “GO TEAM”)
- Cherry tomato (make up your mind)
- City worker (One out of the six workers is working)
- Civil war (“May I shoot you sir?”)
- Clearly misunderstood (I know that I have no idea what you just said.)
- Cold hotdog (Better than a hot colddog)
- Concrete pad (Sanitary?)
- Congressional ethics (Riiiight)
- Crash landing (He’s a down to earth kind of guy)
- Dead Man Walking (They’re called Zombies)
- Death benefits (1. You get a lot more rest)
- Decent lawyer (There has to be one somewhere)
- Definite maybe (I think… probably)
- Deliberate mistake (Then is is a mistake?)
- Detailed summary (Just the facts, ma'am.)
- Dickhead (No comment necessary)
- Disaster relief (1-800– CALL-FEMA)
- Discovered missing (So, is he still missing or not?)
- Dodge Ram (I think this is a near miss)
- Double solitaire (Twice the fun by yourself)
- Dress shoes (You can wear them both)
- Drag race (“Transvestites, start your engines”.)
- Drive-thru window (It better be a big one cause I’ve got a big car)
- Dull shine (I can’t see myself)
- Duplicate original (As opposed to the original duplicate)
- Escaped inmate (I guess that makes him an outmate now)
- Evaporated milk (It was here a minute ago!)
- Expected surprise (When I came home I expected a surprise and there was no surprise for me, so, of course, I was surprised.)
- Extra ordinary (I think that means really plain or dull)
- Fellow sisters (Tomboys perhaps?)
- Fish farm (We’ve got 20 acres of trout here and 10 acres of catfish across the road)
- Free gift (as opposed to a $12 gift)
- Freezer burn (Avoid by turning the light off in the freezer)
- Fresh-frozen jumbo shrimp (double your oxymoronic pleasure)
- Friendly fire (I think I’ll shoot my best friend)
- Genuine imitation (but it’s real fake)
- Go ahead, back up (Make up your damn mind)
- Graduate student (Gonna stay an extra year just to piss of the professor)
- Green orange )I don’t think you should eat that)
- Grounded airplane (Isn’t that a car with wings?)
- High ground (Must be a hill)
- Hopelessly optimistic
- House boat
- Ill health (You gotta die of something. Might as well be something that’s good for you)
- Increasingly little (Well, more or less)
- Incredibly honest (That means he usually lies)
- Initial conclusion (Same as my initial results, but might differ from my final draft)
- Inside out ( I once ate at the Outside Inn)
- Instant classic (That’s like Instant H-20 – Just add water)
- Irate patient (But he complained so calmly)
- Knee-high panty hose (They wear them in da hood… like their pants)
- Large mini-van ( Which differs from a small maxi-van)
- Light heavyweight (He keeps losing weight and then he finds it)
- Limited lifetime guarantee (Don’t we all have limited lifetimes? No one lives forever.)
- Living doll (Isn’t that called a baby?)
- Loud whisper (Laryngitis)
- Maxi-Thins (Or Mini-Fats – your choice)
- Melted ice (Don’t they still call that water?)
- Mental masturbation (I won’t touch that one…. I don’t have to)
- Mobil station (On the road again…)
- Near miss (That’s what you call a crash)
- Never say never (Did I say that?… twice?)
- New & Improved (If it was new, how could it be improved?)
- No good do-gooder (???)
- Non-toxic bug spray (Gives your bugs a nice shine)
- Original reproduction (Which differs from an original duplication)
- Paper tablecloth (actually a paper tablepaper)
- Real imitation leather (Fake imitation leather would be real leather)
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