Happy New Year

I want to thank all the Bits & Pieces readers and those who comment on the posts…especially the clever ones.  I wish I could think as well as some of you when I’m coming up with captions.   I want to especially thank all the people who publish posts on their websites where I steal borrow the material I use.  If they didn’t do the hard work I wouldn’t have anything to post… except more pictures of my motorcycle rides.

We’re approaching 3.9 million hits on Bits & Pieces.  That alone is just unbelievable to me.  I sincerely thank you.

I’m going to a new Years Eve party tonight that is featuring Tom Hemby with a local  band – Triple Play.  He and the band leader are lifelong friends.  Mr Hemby, an acoustic guitarist,  is a Grammy winner and has four Dove Awards.  I’m looking forward to his music…. and the rest of the band.

 I hope you all have a safe and fun New Years Eve.    I’ll be back “next year” with more Bits & Pieces.    Happy New Year!

A few things from the regulars:

Americans love lists…

Top 10 news stories of 2007

 Reuters Pictures of the Year 2007

Top 10 movies of 2007 (Time)

Best 19 movies you didn’t see in 2007  (He’s right, I didn’t see any of them)

Top 10 stupid criminals of 2007

 The Top Ten Stories You Missed in 2007

Top 10 hottest videos of 2007

Biggest assholes of 2007 by Bill Maher

Top 10 Bushisms of 2007

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
2007 idiot of the year award

Watch the ball drop on the Times Square Webcam

Top 10 cities of the world

Top 10 baby names in the U.S. for 2007

Maxim Magazine’s Top 10 best and worst things to happen to men in 2007

Top 30 best blogs of 2007  (Bits & Pieces is nowhere to be found in this list)

Top 10 quotes of 2007
According to Fred R. Shapiro, the editor of the Yale Book of Quotations.

1. "Don't Tase me, bro." -- Andrew Meyer

2. "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us." -- Lauren Upton

3. "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country." -- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

4. "That's some nappy-headed hos there." -- Don Imus

5. I don't recall." -- Alberto Gonzales

6. "There's only three things he (Rudy Giuliani) mentions in a sentence: a noun and a verb and 9/11." -- Joseph Biden

7. "I'm not going to get into a name-calling match with somebody (Dick Cheney) who has a 9 percent approval rating." -- Harry Reid

8. "(I have) a wide stance when going to the bathroom." -- Larry Craig

9. "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man." -- Joe Biden

10. "I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history." -- Jimmy Carter

Get button here

Happy New Year!

Tired dog

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.  I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, resumed his position  in the hall, and slept for an hour.  This continued for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

Thanks Gene

Viagra advertising

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How clouds are made....

…at the cloud factory.

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Used condoms are cheaper....

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Weapon of Self Destruction

Russian Roulette Pistol

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Beautiful plantlife

Get your mind out of the gutter.

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Leap of faith

The first step is the hardest.

It’s not the fall… it’s the sudden stop at the bottom.

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Hummer H2

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Lose your glasses?

Emergency glasses

If you wear glasses, then you know how challenging it can be to find your glasses if you have laid them down and can't remember where you put them. You need your glasses to find your glasses. This is a way that you can make a quick, emergency pair of glasses for yourself or someone else that needs them.

How to make an emergency pair of glasses

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Man cold

A sketch from BBC TV series Man Stroke Woman.

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Random thoughts

• There are two sides to every divorce . . . Yours and Shithead's.


• The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.


• Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: 'Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!'


• I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.


• I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.


• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.


• I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.


• The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.


• If life deals you lemons, make lemonade . . if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's.


• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.


• Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.


• I am a nobody.. Nobody is perfect ... and therefore I am perfect.


• Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.


• That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have 'Schiffer Brains.'


• No one ever says 'It's only a game!!' when their team is winning.


• Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?


• How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.


• Marriage changes passion . . . suddenly you're in bed with a relative.


• Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?


• Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

Thanks Gene

Another day at the beach

This is somewhere in China.

Thanks Gene

Unplayable playground

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Lamb post

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An ant at work

From via

"...and that's why we need to invade Canada. Any questions?"

From commenter ~Q~ at J-Walk Blog

Early days of computer technology

More Early Computer Wonders

Workplace hazard

“Catch this”

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Breaking News....

Think this might be Photoshopped?

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Don't you hate when this happens?

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Peek-a-boo

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Ornery little kids gets what's coming to him....

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...where the buffalo roam

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Counting the days.....

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Ambiguous art

What do you see in these images?

Do you see a frog?  Or do you see a horse’s head emerging from the water?

Do you see a skull…. or two men discussing the power of a potion?

Do you see a skull…. or a woman sitting at her dressing table in this ad for Christian Dior’s perfume Poison?

 This painting is called "Pierrot's Love". It was painted in 1905 and is another good example of ambiguous image. I think it is brilliant that the cuffs of the clown's costume makes the nostril holes of the skull. Again, the power of suggestion can sway your interpretation one way or the other.

From  via

Million dollar Monte trick

Very well done I might add.

 

How is it done?

…. With these special cards.

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This pothole might get people to slow down....

It might also cause them to swerve and have an accident.

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Maybe you can take it with you...

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, “You can’t take it with you.”

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer’s wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

“Oh, that darned old fool,” she exclaimed. “I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement.”

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David Blaine Parody

Some language NSFW

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A quick game of golf... with a wise old man

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.”

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Captivity

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Brave mouse

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Life and death.. and life again.... of ice cream

Cool time-lapse photography of ice cream.

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New blood alcohol record of .69

From The Smoking Gun

Meet Willard Ashley III. Just when we thought Cloyd Dull's blood alcohol record was safe, the 32-year-old Indiana man blew an amazing .69 Saturday, according to this LaPorte County Sheriff's report. Ashley, pictured at right following a prior arrest, was taken to a nearby hospital and will be charged with public intoxication upon his release. In Indiana, a blood alcohol measurement of .08 is considered legally intoxicated.

From a name used by a Bits & Pieces commenter on this post

Serial mouse?

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Boeing 737 Tips Over Utility Truck

Panic gripped on lookers and passengers at the Lusaka International airport when a South African airways passenger plane hit a stationary truck upon arrival from Johannesburg. According to an eye witness, the plane was about to park at the apron before passengers could disembark when its left wing hit the stationary utility truck which tipped over as a result. No casualties were recorded. This incident is captured in this video at the 1 min mark.

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Some useful condescending phrases...

 1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

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Snowbuns

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Turtletown

Things are pretty slow in Turtletown.

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Million Mouse Invasion

“.. a single pair of mice can produce a few thousand mice in just a few months.”

(I think I posted this a loooong time ago….. and here it is again.)

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Marty Feldman

More googleyeyes

Sometimes contextual ads don't quite work

Wanna buy a cancerous lump?

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Taking your dog with you

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Snake In The Box

No, it’s not a new fast food joint…. it’s what an electrical worker in Oklahoma found when making some electrical repairs recently. 

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This baby must have a load in his diaper....

This is not a joke. That poor child is gonna be tormented in life for sure with the vile name his mama and papa gave him: "Dacia Tonasket and Brian Dick of Spokane announce the birth of their son, Charley Willard Horse Dick." It was an actual announcement published in the Spokesman Review, see proof here. Here is the newspaper ad:

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A cat eating a deadly black scorpion

 Deadly black scorpion fights for its life, tries to sting and evade an attacking cat. Cat cuts off scorpion's tail which contains the venom.

Did the cat know to do thids instinctively?  OPr is that taill just not that tasty?

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Hooked on you

I’m thinking this guy might have trouble boarding an airplane these days.

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Crazy biker

I would never, ever, never. ever, never do this.  The video would be much, much shorter if I tried it.

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Two cars in one...

Two front halves of car are combined to construct this funny car. With steering wheel and engine on each side its movement is very funny.  Extreme form of four wheel steering car.

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Somebody has to be in charge....

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Office supplies

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Delete key

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"Did you say something, Ethel?"

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Men with crabs

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