Happy Father's Day

    

 A small boy is sent to bed by his father...
[Five minutes later]
"Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"}
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

13 Perfect Gifts for the Imperfect Dad

In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, "You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again."

History Channel’s Father’s Day Special page

"Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity. Think about your father:  He doesn't know where anything is. You ask him to do something, he messes it up and your mother sends you:  "Go down and see what your father's doing before he blows up the house." He's a genius at work because he doesn't want to do it, and he knows someone will be coming soon to stop him."   -- Bill Cosby

       

 One night a father overheard his son pray:
"Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is."
Later that night, the Father prayed,
"Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be."

 

 

An estimated $1 billion is spent each year in the United States for Father's Day gifts, but Dad is still paying the bill when it comes to telephone calls from the kids. Father's Day ranks #1 for the day that the most collect calls are made, according to AT&T. But dads receive far fewer greeting cards than moms. About 140 million moms receive cards for Mother's Day, compared to just 90 million dads getting Father's Day cards.

 

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

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