Monday, December 17, 2007

Purina Chow diet

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for the puppies, 
Dallas and Smokey, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind 
me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, 
and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably 
shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd 
lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes 
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it 
was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load 
your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every 
time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was 
going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone 
in the line was by now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if 
I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her 
no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us 
both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he 
was laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!

Thanks Gene


Anonymous said...

I did this about a year ago.... I was checking out at the supermarket with a bag of bunny food when the cashier stopped and asked me "Awww, do you have a rabbit???"

"No," I said. "I just like the crunch!"

She stopped, her jaw dropped and her eyes glazed over in a brain-damaged moment. Then the woman behind me in line burst out laughing.....

Made my day.

Anonymous said...

We have twins and my wife always gets asked, "Are they twins?" One time someone then asked after that if they were both hers...