Sunday, December 16, 2007

Where to Live After Retirement

  You  can live in Phoenix,  Arizona  where .....
> 1.  You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found  shade. 
> 2.  You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet  bowl. 
> 3.  You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave  town.  
> 4.  You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. 
> 5.  You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
> 6.  The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING  ME??!!  
 
You  can Live in California  where... 
> 1.  You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a   house. 
> 2.  The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 
> 3.  You know how to eat an artichoke. 
> 4  You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block  party.  
> 5.  When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how   long  it will take to get there rather  than how many miles away it is.  
> 6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and  Drought .  

You  can Live in New York  City where ... 
> 1.  You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. 
> 2.  You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to  Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
> 3.  You  think Central Park is  "nature," 
> 4.  You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you  multi-lingual. 
> 5.  You've worn out a car horn. 
> 6.  You think eye contact is an act of aggression.  
 
You  can Live in Maine  where ... 
> 1.  You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco. 
> 2.  Halloween costumes fit over parkas. 
> 3.  You have more than one recipe for moose. 
> 4.  Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight  buttons.  
> 5.  The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and   construction.  

You  can Live in the Deep South
  where .. 
> 1.  You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 
> 2.  "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 
> 3  "He needed killin'" is a valid defense. 
> 4.  Everyone  has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH,  etc.  
 
You  can live in Colorado  where ... 
> 1.  You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 
> 2.  You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day  care center. 
> 3.  A pass does not involve a football or dating. 
> 4.  The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony  tail.  


 You  can live in the Midwest  where ... 
> 1.  You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your  name.  
> 2.  Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor or an Amish  buggy. 
> 3.  You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same  day. 
> 4.  You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat  at?" 
> 5.  When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was  different!"  

AND  You can live in Florida where.. 
> 1.  You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. 
> 2.  All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and   cars. 
> 3.  Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 
> 4.  Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 
> 5.  Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people. 


Thanks Donnie Mac

4 comments:

Alexia Nite said...

That's really only Southern California.

jes said...

I'm fron the South. Y'all is NOT singular. It's always plural. This was obviously not written by a Southerner :-)

WooHoo said...

"Y'all want some lunch?"

Nope, singular not always plural.

Jes, you sure you're from the south?

Anonymous said...

he's from the mid waist... not the foot hills like he pretends, lunch is up north