Friday, January 11, 2008

Self improvement advice from the Devil


1 - Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.


2 - Half the people you know are below average.


3 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.


4 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.


5 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.


6 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.


7 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


8 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.


9 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.


10 - When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.


11 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.


12 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.


13 - I intend to live forever……so far, so good.


14 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.


15 - If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


16 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.


17 - Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.


18 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.


19 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.


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